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<title>It’s what my heart just yearns to say( In ways that can’t be said) by JanviRakshi</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25787464">It’s what my heart just yearns to say( In ways that can’t be said)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanviRakshi/pseuds/JanviRakshi'>JanviRakshi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Tarot Sequence - K.D. Edwards</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A serious overuse of commas, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant?, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:36:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25787464</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanviRakshi/pseuds/JanviRakshi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>And through the sudden, horrible wailing sound, absolutely deafening in its magnitude, he only thinks one thought – If Mayan is gone, he would destroy all of New Atlantis without hesitation.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mayan Saint Joshua/Lord Tower | Anton Saint Joshua</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It’s what my heart just yearns to say( In ways that can’t be said)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumieerie/gifts">Lumieerie</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, this is my first foray into fanfiction writing in almost 6 years.<br/>This is based of a prompt that came to my mind, while we were discussing Battle Rune.<br/>I hope you like it.<br/>Many many thanks to Xylo and Viv. And also Robin who doesn't know what they are being thanked for.<br/>Enjoy!<br/>Happy Birthday Viv!!!</p><p> </p><p>*reference to Lumieerie's beautiful fic :<br/>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25780507</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Anton thought he had some inkling about what was going to happen when he finally broke out of his spiral and wholeheartedly joined Rune. He knew there was going to be a war, a brutal one. He knew that he would lose people he cared about, maybe even lose Rune, that self-sacrificing idiot. He would be hard-pressed to admit it, but to him, Rune was almost his son. He had committed mistakes, grievous blunders he still didn’t completely understand he was forgiven for. Anton was even prepared to have to give up his own life at the hands of the other Arcana. His own brothers and sisters. But, Anton would not flinch, he had faced death many times in his too-long life, and if this sacrifice would be enough to atone for his sins, he would gladly lay himself down.</p><p>You see, the thing about Fate and Destiny is that they rarely come up with situations you are prepared for. Anton, he thought he had every possible outcome planned out. </p><p>Fate, she laughed.</p><p>He doesn’t remember most of the actual battle. Some things stick with him – the look in Strength’s eyes as he glared at Anton with pure hatred, the rumbling in his blood thundering alongside his bones, Addam fighting beside him at one point the bronze of his arm shimmering, Mayan’s half-bitten off scream, Mayan’s rush of pain flooding through their Bond, Mayan collapsing onto the ground. And Anton remembers the liquid fire coursing through his veins, bursting out of him in a silent shout; a curse and a prayer all at once.</p><p>You see, Anton Saint Joshua doesn’t lose control. Not anymore. He knows the consequences that come from that, consequences which lead to Mayan left bleeding on the floor, vacant eyes silently looking up at him. He knows that losing control means being punished, being forced to see as his father methodically flays Mayan to almost his bones, Mayan who was dragged out of his hospital bed before he even got the chance to fully heal and made to kneel and strip and…* No. He knows that being Lord Tower means that he has to keep up the emotionless facade, no weakness is allowed.</p><p>But Mayan falls and Anton, Lord Tower, Ruler of the Dagger Throne, and one of the most powerful Arcana – he lets go. He lets the frantic storm inside his heart, beating hard against his ribs, come out. Anton closes his eyes and lets his Arcana Majeure do what he himself couldn’t. And through the sudden, horrible wailing sound, absolutely deafening in its magnitude, he only thinks one thought – If Mayan is gone, he would destroy all of New Atlantis without hesitation. Mayan was his Companion, his Talla, his. Centuries of keeping themselves apart for the sole sake of Anton being Lord Tower didn’t make one ounce of his love cease to exist. Decades and decades of pretending they were nothing more than a Lord and his head of security didn’t keep Anton from yearning for what he knew would never happen, what he would never be allowed to let happen. If Mayan falls, Anton will fall too, but he will take everyone responsible alongside him. Anton Saint Joshua closes his eyes and Lord Tower opens his.</p><p>When he comes back to himself, everything is quiet. It’s a terrifying silence, sweeping everything in her cold embrace, chaos unfolding by herself in the midst of thunder and lightning. Darkness reigns as far as he can see; only broken by a branch of lightning once in a while. Anton feels himself floundering for a bit, he has not used his Aspect in this enormity ever since he made the whole of New Atlantis weep with him as he frantically searched for Mayan in the form of a mood dampening cloud of misery*.<br/>
As his bearings slowly crawl back to him, he laughs. Makes sense that Mayan would be the one to set him off. As soon as he can move again without feeling like he is going to faint straight into his grave, he rushes to where he last registered Mayan had been. Overstepping the rubble and debris and the occasional fallen scion, quickly checking to see if they’re a familiar face, Anton allows himself to breathe. If Mayan would have been dead he would have felt the snapping of their Bond by now, the terrible null that he has had to experience once already. He would not be able to bear that once again.</p><p>Mayan was not where he was supposed to be. Pure panic shoots through Anton, his eyes starting to tingle again. Before he can do something drastic again, a bronze hand comes into his view. Looking up, Anton had not realized that he had fallen on his knees, he could see Addam’s outstretched arm. Addam looks grim, blood and bruises surrounding his face, but there was nothing but calm reassurance in his eyes right now. Getting up, Anton clutches Addam’s hand in desperation, words failing to make an appearance. Addam just slowly nods and then leads him away to some distance where he could see three heads bobbing around. As they hobble along the rocky ground, Anton felt little tendrils of guilt creeping up inside him for causing this much destruction.</p><p>Any such feeling flies to the high heavens when he sees Mayan. Mayan was on the ground, head resting on Brand’s lap. Anton could not even bring himself to file away this moment for later blackmail purposes, Mayan’s eyes clenched tightly shut in pain taking precedence. Anton fell into his knees in front of Brand and Mayan, hand hovering over Mayan’s cheek. A horrible thought creeps up in his mind. Using his Arcana Majeure didn’t just mean that Anton’s life was reduced. Mayan was also an unwilling part of that particular ride. Anton hadn’t wanted Mayan to suffer more because of him, he had just wanted to…</p><p>Feeling a pair of eyes hot on his head, Anton glances up. Brand was glaring at him – but Anton was quite perplexed to notice that it was a soft glare. An urging glower, not the usual scared one. Anton took the advice and lowered his palm onto Mayan’s cheek. Mayan’s eyes instantly shot open, still clouded with pain. Anton holds his gaze, memory flashing back to the last time he had seen Mayan like this. As if understanding what Anton was thinking of, Mayan nuzzles a bit into Anton’s palm, gaze silently calming. Then he smiles, the genuine smile that even Anton hadn’t seen in years; the small smile speaking volumes that Mayan himself couldn’t, wouldn’t utter. Anton doesn't dare to do anything for a second, then slumps forward and kisses Mayan’s forehead gently. The cloying smell of blood almost makes him pull back, but Mayan’s hand clamped over his neck and his forehead pressed to Anton’s. A rush of calm and hesitant love comes through their Bond and Anton, weak Anton, wanting Anton, just breathes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The Tarot Sequence fandom has been one of the most welcoming, beautiful and awesome fandoms I have ever been a part of and I love each and every one of you.<br/>Comment and Kudos are gems that I will hoard in my treasure chest along with all my daggers.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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